Blog 15: Back to the start line?

As one challenge finishes, the next one begins. 

The biggest eye opener in all this “challenge” is quite how easy it is to do nothing or procrastinate…but we know more than many that we can no longer put off for that ever elusive tomorrow as in our world, tomorrow occasionally comes.

As of Wednesday last week I was officially allowed to play tennis…well, that was the question I asked….which would no doubt include being able to do any other form of exercise too?  Did I rush out to do any…..no, I waited for tennis on Sunday.   I just couldn’t quite make that move from walk to jog; it really is shocking how lazy you can become so quickly…..will power, that is the secret ingredient.  And this is where my friends have very kindly stepped in to help.  Some of you have been moving so fast you have forgotten to tell me what you’ve been doing ?!!  However, I have been sent two amazing stories and it is only right to keep them exactly as they are (see below). 

As for me, I played tennis today which I adored….I told the coach I was a liability and if I dropped down on the court just call 999 and he accepted me into the group!  I will endeavour to jog from time to time but will definitely restart my yoga course.  Parkfit, yes please, the camaraderie is second to none and it is good not only for body but for mind and soul and that to me is the meaning of life.  Please all keep moving and just do it to the best of your ability, no more, no less….it’s not a competition but it does involve that element of pushing yourself and bringing that will power to the front to get up and do it but I know each and every one of you has that fight, just look at what you have come through to get to where you are today.  Never give up.

From Paddyman: 

I received my move more pack about last September and from the many options I chose walking, something I enjoyed before my movement was restricted following three knee replacements (just think of the Isle of Man).  A visit to my doctor was not encouraging and his suggestion to stroll along the canal and feed the ducks horrified me. Is this all that was left for me to the end of my days? My oncologist was much more helpful and suggested that I should start with what I felt I could do comfortably and each week increase it by 10%, with occasional weeks on a more relaxed schedule.

I was already fairly active, I played bowls, always used the stairs (well nearly always) and living at the top of a steep hill I often had to walk up the hill to get home.  I started with walks “around the block of about 1.5 miles - down the hill along the main road and back up the hill the other side. The first time I did this I had to stop for breath several times on the steeper parts, but what a sense of achievement when I collapsed into the chair at home.  I set myself certain goals which were walks I used to enjoy, trying to make each one more challenging and now I am “comfortable” with walks of 6 to 8 miles.

These walks have given me great pleasure and combined with photography this has given me a good incentive to continue them and I won’t mention the pubs all these walks end in. My initial target was to walk 15 miles by May and obviously I haven’t achieved that, but I am enjoying life more and my stamina has improved. That’s a good result! I am also putting my renewed pleasure to good use and I shall do “Miles for Macmillan”, the 5.5 mile Severn Bridge Walk on 1st July. I’ve raised more than £600 in sponsorship so far. Wish me luck!

From Little My:

I never thought I would be writing a blog post about exercise! Apart from swimming for fun, I never did do any exercise before, but with impending osteoporosis from treatment and exercise reducing your risk of cancer returning, I had no option but to go the gym.

I was suffering with fatigue after treatment and I discovered that exercise really did help me through it. I would never have believed it, but a swim could keep me going for a couple of days. It gave me energy. First time I swam, I managed less than a length and I burst into tears at how rubbish I was and how rubbish I now looked in my costume... but I got back on my horse as it were and went again. And again. That was in November. It is now June and after having nearly 3 months off for an operation, I am back swimming and at the gym and have signed up for the 5km Race for Life in July. It has been slow going and I have had to bite the bullet of not caring what I think anyone else might think as I plod along at a slow walk on the treadmill at level 1 but it has improved dramatically already.

This week is my first full week at work since treatment. I am so tired like you would not believe, but today, I got to leave work a little early and went to the gym. I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes, then did some weight exercises on the equipment for my bones and then 10 minutes on the cross trainer. 6 months ago, I could do 10 mins slow walk and 2 mins on the cross trainer and that was me on my knees out of breath. I then went for a swim as a reward. I mostly floated due to being worn out after all that, but I felt so good and relaxed and energetic.  I walked nearly 2 km today which is a new record and the goal of having to do the 5km next month is one to work towards as I know I will feel so proud when I do it, even if it is a slow walk round with a stop if needed.

I guess what I would want to say to people is that when I first saw the move more campaign, I felt so awful about it as I could not walk to the end of my driveway at that point and the thought of gyms and swims and running was just way out of my league and I thought don't make me feel bad about not being able to do things. I also thought that having cancer would stop me from being fit and able to run or anything like that. Clare and Julia made me see that it was possible to have cancer and do exercise, even really vigorous exercise and that really inspired me to go for it, so thank you Clare and Julia!

So, here I am exercising to stop my cancer coming back, to stop the fatigue and to stop my bones from crumbling and best of all, I feel good and have more energy.  Dare to start small even if just standing up and sitting down again, or wiggling your toes and keep going and from someone who could not walk down the stairs this time last year, there is hope, it just takes time and patience and I shall be running (walking) the Race for Life (and beyond!) for all of you.

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A HUGE thank you to Paddyman and Little My for their stories and masses of luck for the challenges they  have set themselves.  Thank you to my move more buddy Julia and also to each and every one of you that has kept me going through my 12 weeks of moving more.  Even when I physically couldn’t keep moving, you still kept me going in spirit.  If I can do it anyone can………so now it’s your turn xxxxx

Posted 17^th June

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Blog 14: The final hurdle

Photo taken close to Borough Market, London – a poignant message?

So this week.....REALLY tough....I have had to take it easy!  And I have!  So much so that I had managed to persuade the doctor last week to begrudgingly let me keep yoga in my repertoire but come Tuesday, I began to get a bit nervous.....I would be putting myself into a position that will actively encourage all the blood to rush down to my heart / lungs etc....why on earth would I do that knowing what I knew?!

It is strange.  Cancer stopped me absolutely dead in my tracks on diagnosis....emotionally....for two weeks.  I was in a bubble.   And then I broke out of the bubble and would not let it smother me and make me be something or someone different from who I was.....I am still here and alive so I will live my life to the full. I am also “lucky” in that I have no side current effects that I know about and can happily continue “as normal”.    Deep vein thrombosis....I chucked it to one side really...it’s fine, I can live with cancer so pah, do my injections, create a Picasso in the process (red, purple and blue swirls on my stomach are joining together nicely)......WRONG.  I suddenly felt vulnerable, probably for the first time on my “journey”.  So I have taken it easy.

That said, walks are non-negotiable.  I have done some lovely walks with my dog Bubbles.  Five minutes or two hours, Bubbles never says a word but just continues to wag her tail.  Walks are great, however, when I started my move more, I realised how unfit I was when I introduced some cardio work!  BUT that is being said from someone who has always walked.  For someone who does no to very little walking, get out there and do it, it’s wonderful.  And I have had the time to hear the birds singing and hear the Thames gently lapping against the shore (or wall, depending on how high the tide)!  I could feel every single drop of rain ricocheting off my head and it’s a lovely feeling...seriously...when you know you are going to get wet and there is nothing you can do about it....then think about how it makes you feel.....free, and at one with nature.

So, I babble!  I have lost my focus and goal, however, I am counting the days until I can resume some of the activities I undertook as part of my blog.  Yoga starts again in a month and I am signing up to re-take the first 2 lessons again also.  Tennis, now that really is my passion and to date, I am so relieved I haven’t missed any club matches....that would have upset me, that in my mind would have made me angry at cancer getting in the way of what I want to do.  Now it is still just a hurdle I need to get over (or under or round the side, I’m not proud!).  Jogging / wagging, actually, I will probably do some of this too, it is a great way of getting the dog that bit further in the mornings.  I know I will never win a race but I never set out to do that, just complete it.

So my friends, I am SO grateful for all your support over these last 11 weeks and it’s not over yet, one week left....and it’s over to you....I have some amazing volunteers to write a paragraph on what they are doing this week and how it makes them feel.  I just hope I will do everyone justice by putting their stories together.

Please all keep moving....it is good for heart and soul and remember, if you just take small steps slowly, you will always make it to the finish line. Aesop, I hope you are listening?!

Posted 10^th June

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Blog 13: Sailing the Cancer Seas

Jubilee flags blowing in the wind

I have been sailing…..a beautiful wooden boat on calm seas with favourable winds, glorious sunshine…..then WHAM, the wind is taken right out of my sails.  I hit a rock.  I realise the waters I have been sailing are the cancer ones. 

So, Monday was a day off exercise, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings were the regular jogs with yoga session number 2 on Tuesday evening.  Of course I hadn’t practiced my breathing or my sitting crossed legged but both seemed a bit easier this week.   The lesson was the sun salutation and on completion of round one, the skies opened onto the sky-light…..I thought this was a sun salutation, not a rain dance! 

Thursday morning I did a gentle walk before heading off to my appointment at the Royal Marsden, the right hospital, in Sutton, not Fulham….which I only just realised before jumping on the bus to Fulham…..mad dash back home and to my car……definitely raised my heart rate!  Luckily I always leave early for my appointments as it’s one less panic thinking I’m going to be late.

Six hours later, I walk very slowly to my car….careful up the hill, mustn’t dislodge that blood clot…….  Deep vein thrombosis….only a partial blockage!!  Well, I did manage to persuade the doctor to let me keep yoga in my repertoire, and of course I need to walk my dog, but not uphill or too fast but no bat of an eyelid at 3 miles plus so weekends will be fine.  And yes, these were my first thoughts once out from the stifling air in the hospital that just pushes your shoulders down…into the fresh air, ah, oxygen….I still have my blog to complete! 

Friday was sports day at school but I was sensible and didn’t go and enter into any races and I really did walk much slower than usual.  It’s amazing how knowing that any minute I could drop down dead from a thrombosis that you almost feel “ill” – but I’m not and I certainly didn’t accept the offer of being signed off work….I had the choice of anything from 1 month to 3??  So life continues as normal….but just less strenuous exercise, well, for a few weeks anyway.   Maybe my stomach will finally get a look in and I will have to do a few sit ups….but then again, I am now quite grateful for my “spare tyre” for my daily injections of anti-coagulants!

Keep moving everyone and remember, it’s not what you do it’s just the doing.  As for me, I need to mend the hole in my boat, raise the sails again……..blow wind, blow.

Posted 2^nd June

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Blog 12: Keep breathing

Stone Mushrooms in my garden

I have homework:  BREATHING!  You guessed it, I went to yoga!  I arrived and was directed through a wonderful courtyard to some rooms at the back.  "Just head up the stairs" so up I go (looking the novice that I am) and I see men and women of all ages lying there in all sorts of complicated position....just relaxing before the class starts?!  I find my inner self.....HELP it's screaming at me, RUN, RUN!  Lukily those are the words / actions that come out....."is this the beginners class?"....So I find myself in the right classroom and now let the yoga commence!

"Ohhhhmmmmmmmmm"....breath......"mmmmmm".  The second attempt at holding the Ohm for long enough comes out sounding like some poor cat is being strangled.  And then just relax in your cross legged sitting position.....I would like to point out at this stage that I cannot, and come to think of it, never have been able to sit "comfortably" crossed legged.  Ouch....and here was I under the impression that yoga was low impact / gentle on your joints?  Next is the eye yoga...now that was near giggle disaster but luckily my "round the clock" ended up being anticlockwise to everyone's clockwise so I avoided catching a cross eyed glance at a fellow yogi across the room.

It was not any easy hour and a half.  All aches and stiff joints, totally exposed and you have to "tune in" to them - I'm used to just ignoring them!  The final relax then arrived....really lovely.....relaxing.....the instructors soothing voice gently drifting into your mind..."your toes.......are relaxed; your knees........are relaxed; your back......is relaxed; your liver, kidneys and spleen are relaxed......AAAAARRRGGHHH, quick, concentrate, where are they, can I feel them?  Are they relaxed...oh no, I forgot to breath.....breath....ok, fine....calm....just concentrate on the body parts I know the whereabouts of.  And then we are there....we have found our most relaxed and inner self which is called total happinnes.....STOP...no, not my inner self....it is NOT totally happy at the moment...the sunshine is clouded by various shades of dark grey....oh no, how do I get myself around this hurdle as yoga is all about the inner self....so a compromise.  i need to concentrate on what good this will be doing me and energising all the good vibes, making them strong enough to shoulder all the bad ones out of the way....move over, sunshine and happinness is coming through!

So again, I survived.  A different kind of surviving from the other activities I have so far survived!  And I did actually feel more awake and "energised" when I got home rather than my groggy "I was up at 5am" feeling....it could also be that it wasn't another cold grey evening weather wise?  And now i must practise:  The shoulder stand (fine), the plough (not fine, my feet don't reach the floor backwards over the top of my head); fish (not fine, I am lying on my arms so they are aching from my weight on them and then you have to lift your chest off the floor and use the top of your head to support you).  Breathing....I can manage that one!

Meanwhile, more jogging which is a bit easier in the warm mornings - only trouble is all the other "dabblers" then come out too.....and you then have to look as if you are having a wonderful morning just gently jogging along the River Thames.......again I find my inner self......I can't repeat what it says!

Saturday was Parkfit and it was tough in the heat, 21 degrees at 9am…..I’m not complaining though……it was great fun, lots of shuttle run and ups and downs….they were the hardest in the heat…..I couldn’t jump up that fast or I just would have fallen over again!  The same goes for Cardio Tennis, really tough in the heat but I loved it….and the heat must have had some effect as I did not open my mouth after suggesting a game afterwards?!!!  I was a bit frustrated with how I was hitting the balls this week so best to just leave it for the day and start again tomorrow (theoretically speaking for whenever tomorrow comes)?!    

So, another 2 weeks to go for me and week 12....is YOUR week.  You will be writing the final blog with pictures too…not sure of logistics yet but just giving you the heads up!!  I will still be moving more but I want to hear what you are up to, even if it's walking up the stairs when you didn't need to just the once, or for the more energetic, cycling, walking, training for a Race for Life or warming up for the Olympics....whatever it is, happy moving more!  Oh, nearly forgot, also keep breathing !!

Posted 27^th May

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Blog 11: The Old & New

Old and New in Richmond Park:  The Tree Pose
I only have myself to blame, no-one made me volunteer to Move More for Macmillan!  And I volunteered for no other reason initially than to get fit, selfishly, for me.  And then you get the amazing encouraging support and the highlight has to be when you hear others ordering their move more packs and actually moving more.

So this is more than just me and my journey which is why I think last week was really tough as not sure if anyone out there is still reading the weekly blog (except for Sparkler through another thread, thank you).  As I said in my last blog after my fall, it's like cancer (or riding a bike?!), you just need to somehow pick yourself up and carry on.

The Old:  Last week was pretty much the same as previous weeks - the continuous battle of the jog.  I am still "doing it" but that is about it...and then the weekends which I really enjoy.  Parkfit was a lot of weights and then cardio fit tennis on Sunday.  However, it is not quite that simple....I went and opened my mouth after cardio tennis!!!  This led me to playing a set with "Sunday club play". The lady opposite me asks me my name in a very authoritative manner and on answering "Clare"...."Yes, but Clare who"....eek, I can't be in trouble, I've only been a member for just over a month!  I tell her and the reply is "ah yes, I've heard about you".....oh no, that really doesn't bode well?!!  She had heard about me after my play last weekend and happened to be the Ladies Team Captain...no pressure then playing against her.  The worst part….my partner and I won!  I feel a payback being clocked against me!  She did, however, offer to be my partner in the Club ladies doubles so can't be all bad...can it?!

At this point, I must apologise to you all for not cycling yet...except for my attempt one evening last week but with a badly bruised palm / thumb, holding on and braking were a bit of an issue?!!  In addition, the weather has really not been conducive for an attempt at cycling into work...but attempt it I will…..one day!  On the flip side (the new), I have gone and signed myself up for an 8 week beginners course in yoga, starting on Tuesday and I am nervous.  Firstly because it is something new and putting myself out of my comfort zone but secondly, Tuesday's are my 5am start days.....and I am worried about snoring if I take the relaxation element a bit too seriously?!! 

Along with being nervous, there is also an element of excitement, partly due to my crazy idea and with the yoga centre I have signed up to, I can achieve it!  They teach from total novice all the way through to instructor....so my crazy idea is that, providing I enjoy it, I could become an instructor and teach cancer patients, or anyone affected by cancer in any way be it those on watch and wait, during treatment, post treatment, those left behind or to the wonderful support group who are our family and friends etc..  Teaching would also be transferrable so when we finally make our move to France to live (hoping within 2 years) then I can actually earn a bit of money straight away...well, providing I brush up on my vocabulary!  L'effect domino (the domino effect, ie., when you lose your balance and take half the class with you) - well, it sounds right in French to me?!

Keep moving everyone, if for no other reason than to keep warm!!

Posted 21^st May

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Blog 10: Pick yourself up after a fall

Table is set

I have obviously painted a wonderful picture that if it were a real object, would fetch millions at auction?!  However, it is really just a couple of stick men with the odd splash of colour – just to put things into perspective for you?!

My jogging each morning is really a faster way of getting the dog exercised than walking and I really don’t go far or fast but I DO get out there come rain or rain (with our recent weather) and that is the most important part of moving more…..the doing…..I promise it’s no more than that.  Sounds simple?!  Well, no, it takes a lot to do it and I am certainly stuck at a 20/25 minute level covering anything from 1.6 to 2.4 miles….nowhere near my goal of 3 miles (in any amount of time at the moment).  The current “this week’s” obstacle to me achieving that mission is the fact that I jog to myself saying the beat “Thames Path, Mud Bath, Thames Bath, Muuuud….(slip) Bath, T….Thammmes Bh….(slip and slide), Mud…..splutter (mud splashed up to face) etc.!

So don’t be fooled or put off by the amount I seem to be doing!

To add insult to this I didn’t make my Saturday Parkfit.  This was not an impromptu duck out -  I was still in London recovering from a dinner I hosted the night before so just had to work very hard at trying to get rid of a hangover….was it worth it?  YES!  This was meant to be a Dine for Macmillan night but sadly the invitations arrived far too late and having issued just a “save the date with more details to follow”, I actually felt a bit uncomfortable changing the boundaries the week before, especially where money is concerned.  I did however let my diners know that that was the original idea but I would just do it officially next time! 

Saturday wasn’t totally wasted however, as there was an Open Day at my tennis club so down I went and joined in.  It was the first proper game I had played in over 12 years and my secret is now out that my tennis is as wild as it is at cardio tennis!   It was doubles and you swapped partners / opponents after the first couple have got to 7 games so you got to play with lots of different people which was great fun.  I did try really hard too to keep the ball in play and even ran for balls that were just dribbled  over the net – so much so that I slid….like, really slid….and went down…..my back and head hit the ground but the ouch was my hand - looking at the bruising a day on, I must have smashed the palm of my hand (by the thumb) on the end of my racket on the ground….but I got up and kept playing.  It’s funny…..cancer or falling over…it’s all the same, you just have to pick yourself up and keep going?!  An ice pack and glass of wine afterwards certainly helped numb the pain of the effects of the fall, if only the cancer could be so easily blocked out.  Oh, and just in case you were wondering, for all that effort and acrobatics….I didn’t get the ball back over the net!!!  I did come runner up for the afternoon however which I was really chuffed about. 

Sunday morning was Cardio Tennis and actually, with a swollen, black, blue and purple hand, my shots were actually a lot better as I physically couldn’t hit is as hard as I possibly could every time!!  The afternoon was then spent doing another lovely walk with my husband and the dog and I can still smell the scent of the “mustard field” and just the green, green rolling hills all around us and BLUE sky…wow, what a difference a bit of sunshine makes.  And now I think I have definitely deserved my wine!

Have wonderful weeks all round and remember to keep moving.  And if the sun does what it’s meant to and comes back at the end of the week after a few days off, this could be the week I attempt a cycle to work! 

Blog 9: It DOESN'T get easier

The pose that lasted so long I didn’t have to do the press ups afterwards?!

Firstly and in case you don’t make it to the bottom of my blog, I would like to say that I am SO proud of everyone who has ordered their move more packs, signed up to challenges, or just moved that tiny bit further or faster whether it’s getting yourself up and out of pyjamas when you didn’t feel like it, walking to the doctors or shops, and getting there that bit faster than the last time, well done to you all.

Back to the blog.  As you would have seen from the last blog, I made it swimming!  It was fine but that was about it – you know that kind of fine that when it is given to you as an answer to something, you should duck pretty quickly before a barrage of….”well, in fact, not fine, where do I start?”……comes out?!  Yes, do duck now! 

The changing rooms were cold and cavernous and I noticed the walls all peeling back to brick.  The floors are shared by those coming in from outside and those coming in from the pool so a bit of a mud bath on the floor……and that you are expected to walk bare foot on it….oh brings back memories of verrucca’s at school!  The swim was OK, not too busy and managed half an hour by which stage I had only just warmed up in the cold water…..and then back to the showers and a quick change to get out of there.  The more I think about it now, the more I think I may take swimming off my list!  I could smell the chlorine on my skin a good day later (after 2 showers) and I made such a drastic change at the time of diagnosis to my diet and also all the products I use (ie, shampoos, face creams, toothpaste etc.), that surely goes against the grain to be taking a chlorine bath?  The damage it did to my hair when I was at school – I was at the time using Sun-In to dye my hair and the chlorine turned it green – well, it can’t be doing your insides good either?    Sorry to be the bringer of doom and gloom but this is just my take on it!  And my pool facilities are particularly poor compared to many others so don’t let me put anyone off.

Monday was my “day off” exercise which is lovely, except for my escalator run UP (note the word up!)!  50 which I thought was fairly respectable and same again for Tuesday on the escalators.  In the evening I just took myself and my dog, along with my parents’ two cocker spaniels to Richmond Park for a walk in the glorious sunshine….still very wet underfoot but it was a glorious half an hour and no run ins with any deer a la Benson?! 

Wednesday morning was really tough jogging and I actually didn’t get that far…..there was a distinct lack of motivation for the day ahead but that should be no excuse.  Thursday was fine as was Friday (an OK fine this time around), with the added bonus on Friday of getting a reply from a fellow jogger going in the opposite direction to my question of “does it ever get easier”….”no” was the reply.  It made my day!  Why?  Because everyone keeps saying it gets easier and surely you can’t go too far wrong with jogging but IT DOESN’T GET EASIER!  With that response, a slight spring in my step, proceeded to battle my way home!!

Saturday and yes, you’ve got it…Parkfit.  It comes round quickly doesn’t it?!

Loved it.  It was very cold first thing but a really good turn out and running was the “theme” for this week’s session.  With all my attempts of jogging alone and not failing but struggling I suppose, I didn’t blink an eyelid and I think the reason being is that I was not alone.  And I can now say that I know what a horse feels like when it has a carriage to pull…??!!  Using the rubber resistance bands and in teams of 2 you take it in turns to try and run as far as you can (uphill I must add) with your “buddy” pulling you back.  The “Boss”, Ali, said it would be so much easier to run after being “held back”, we’d feel as if we were flying…the only flying I nearly did (nearly!) was on the muddy patches in the rugby field whilst literally running from pillar to post – well, floodlight, rubber tyre, rubgy post…..and yes, got myself into trouble again…..got myself into a race for the last push….a dead heat but really just great for both of us to keep ourselves / each other going, thank you!! 

A few squats and press ups to finish off with and the harder option was with your feet on the tyre and then do your press ups….so of course I have to give it a go…..and thankfully didn’t get to have that panic of falling flat on my face on the ground as made to hold a pose for a picture….no time either to worry about the double chin as already had the red face, hair all over the place, trembling arms, sweaty brow, tummy hanging down….etc., etc., going on?!!!!

Sunday and another fun session of cardio tennis.  How there are no accidents when there are two of you one side of the net being fed a ball to hit from the base line and then run to the next the opposite side of the court (not net!!) and hit the volley…..it makes me laugh too which doesn’t help the concentration!  A brilliant workout and I got chatting to one of the ladies there who works specifically with cancer patients and the effects of mushrooms on “us”.  I am finding more out next week which is fascinating but also a bit scary as mushrooms and I have never really mixed, and that’s just the bog standard supermarket button ones, forget anything stronger in any shape or form?!!

Bank holiday Monday and a lovely 3.8 miles around the Shardloes Estate, nothing too strenuous needed today!   I can’t believe I am now half way through this 12 week blog and if I stopped blogging tomorrow, I can safely say that I would continue exercising….and I actually question if it would be easier without the pressure of having to make it semi-interesting?!  I will let you know in due course! 

Posted 7^th May

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